Beginning a new journey
I have known lots of different journeys; many of them I am still on and some of them have come to an end. One journey that I have continuously wanted to pursue has been the way of yoga. I have known what it feels like to ache after a few too many planks, to wonder at my profound sweating from basically standing still in one position for a while, and to silently judge myself in the fitness studio mirror for having forgotten to wear a top that doesn’t ride up every time I do a downward dog, and I end up looking like something out of a horror film. None of this should be what yoga is about I feel. Surely I should not be feeling a sense of glee that I can stretch my legs wider that the girl next to me who is half my age, or that my bottom looks quite fetching in my new coloured leggings. Yoga is not about comparing and striving to be better than everyone else. My yoga journey is for me and me alone.
It has been over a week now since I have gotten over the simultaneous feelings of exhaustion and elation and overwhelming emotion that I had after the first intense weekend of module 1 of my yoga teacher training. I had not been prepared for getting inside my own head so much and for how I would feel after meditating for 15 minutes whilst training my breath to be calmer and slower. I had not been prepared for the fact that the philosophical side would make so much sense; that my own reading about and interest in dualisms and dualistic thinking would be right there in ancient scripts, telling me what I had come to know for a while now. If we can transcend this kind of thinking, and understand that the unity of everything in its uniqueness is what allows us to be balanced and whole, that we do not polarise one thing against the other, then we can find peace and be in harmony in our core essence. Bearing everything in mind right now, particularly at this present time of uncertainty and change, I certainly feel that we could all do with some of that. I look forward to this journey therefore, which, I have learnt, is ultimately the goal itself. Like in research and practice, the process is what counts, not the manifestation of it.